Jaiya John, Ph.D., an African-American adult adoptee was raised along with his younger adopted African-American brother in a Caucasian family in a predominantly Caucasian community. In his autobiography, Black Baby White Hands: A View From the Crib, Dr. John writes that when his father was asked by an African-American man, "How are you-all going to teach this child all of the things that a Black child needs to know to grow up in a society so strongly aversive to Black people?", his father replied honestly that he probably could not "do a good job because of my ignorance and limited perspective," but that he would try to teach his son what his father had taught him, and "hopefully that will provide him the tools and strength of character to figure out the rest on his own." Upon hearing this story, Dr. John notes that while he appreciated his father's acknowledgement of his limitations, he thought to himself, "How exactly was I supposed to 'figure the rest out on my own?' I had been lost in a racial hinterland..Something in our relationship had needed to stretch and elevate itself out of their cradle and into mine-a dimension that could address my unique circumstance."

Without question, Caucasian parents raising adopted children of a different race face the important challenge of ensuring that their children grow up with knowledge and pride in their racial/cultural heritage -- keys to a cohesive, positive identity and self-esteem. This involves commitment to open communication -often initiated by parents, around

1. the adoption story,
2. the reactions of others to their visibly "different" family, and of course,
3. the racism that exists in our society.

With regard to the latter, parents need to discuss the positive and negative racial stereotypes and biases that happen all around all the time. Barb Franck, therapist at C.A.S.E. and mother of two African-American children notes in "Creating an Emotional Safe Place" by Gina Hagler in the Aug/Sept. 2005 issue of Adoption Today magazine, "A safe place for transracially adopted kids is a home where differences are acknowledged and celebrated.we need to redefine safe to mean not protected but open, educated, interested and prepared."

In addition to the home atmosphere, Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall emphasize in Inside Transracial Adoption, that parents must make it a priority to ensure that their children have "regular and comfortable connection to the cultures with which society will identify them." For many parents, this means making changes in their lifestyle and facing their any feelings of discomfort or fear. Living in a diverse community certainly can help make this easier, but only if effort is made to make real, close connections with families of the child's birth heritage. If families do not live in a diverse community, Steinberg and Hall suggest that parents need to bring their children "to experiences with their cultural group as frequently and for as long duration as possible." Culture camp is one example. If parents seek out experiences where they are the minority, they will also understand what it feels like to be in their children's shoes.

Steinberg and Hall list the following suggestions to connect children with members of their racial culture.

• Do everything in your power to make friends with at least one family who shares your child's racial heritage, hang out in their neighborhood, giving your child a chance to make friends with kids who share her racial experiences.
• Join in recreational, religious, or educational groups or activities with members of your child's racial or ethnic group.
• Shop; go to restaurants, movies, and beauty/barber shops with people of your child's heritage.
• Seek out special events such as museum exhibits, street fairs, musical productions that are likely to be attended by people of your child's heritage.
• Choose professionals of color: doctors, dentists, and teachers, etc.
• Choose schools with diversity in mind.
• Join adoptive parent groups with other transracially adopted families, esp. families with children of the same racial heritage as your children.

Certainly by adolescence, if not before, as transracial adoptees move further out into the world, their ability to cope with "being different" and racism will continually be tested. In Beneath the Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens by Debbie Riley and Dr. John Meeks, one 24 year old man writes, "I was not aware of the apparent awkwardness my family's racial consistency thrust upon society at large until I reached my teenage years and was stripped of my naiveté.Soon, looks that I once classified as just that turned into scowls or disgust and visual admonishments." How does he cope? "I deal with it. I don't ignore the fact that my family is different from the majority of families. What I ignore is the reminder that society gives me each and every day telling me so."

RESOURCES
Black Baby White Hands: A View From the Crib by Dr. Jaiya John
Inside Transracial Adoption by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall
Beneath the Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens by Debbie Riley and Dr. John Meeks
"Creating and Emotional Safe Place", Aug./Sept. 2005 Adoption Today magazine
"Transracial and Transcultural Adoption" National Adoption Information Clearinghouse www.naic.acf.hhs.gov
W.I.S.E. Up!^SM Powerbook by Marilyn Schoettle, M.A. www.pactadopt.org

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