You know as well as the next parent that there's an element of truth to all the jokes about the stereotypical sulky teenager – and you also know firsthand the frustrations of trying to communicate with your adopted adolescent. Suddenly the child with whom you could talk openly may have become distant, "closed off" or remote – and it may seem impossible to hold any kind of conversation with him/her. But when your adopted teen hits adolescence, it's more important than ever to keep the lines of communication open, not least because this tends to be the time that children adopted as infants begin to experience a range of emotional concerns related to their adoption.

If your adopted teen becomes completely isolated, it's a good idea to turn to a professional counselor or therapist specializing in adoption issues to help you reconnect with your child. Before you seek professional support, however (and even if or when you do), there are a few simple guidelines you can use to maintain a positive, open and supportive relationship with your adopted teen during what might possibly be one of the most difficult times of his/her life.

Listen
Paying attention to what your adopted adolescent has to say is essential – so much so that good listening is the basis of good communication with your teen. Focus on what he/she has to say and take the time to recognize, appreciate and understand his/her point of view no matter how different or "out of character" it may seem to you. If your child begins to express a desire to find his/her natural parents, for example, instead of being defensive or non-committal, show interest and support for the idea and engage him/her in a healthy conversation about the roots of this desire.

Talk
The way that you talk with (not to) your adopted teen is also essential to fostering a healthy and communicative relationship during his/her adolescence. Just as you need to listen to your teen's thoughts, concerns and ideas with seriousness and appreciation, you also need to respond to them with equally positive tact. Instead of talking down to or "at" your adopted teen, respond to him/her as an equal, taking each question or emotion seriously and responding to it without judgment or self-defense (a reaction that will only trigger withdrawal on the part of your teen). If your child begins to express feelings of guilt or shame at being adopted, for instance, don't brush off his/her concern or belittle it by telling him/her that those feelings are silly or ridiculous; instead, let your responses show respect for those feelings and consideration for how you might help him/her begin to deal with them.

Touch
Even the most warm and loving parent appreciates being reminded of the importance of touch every now and again. Body language and non-verbal communication is the third element of nurturing strong, supportive communication with your adopted teen. Leaning close to your child as he/she talks, placing a hand on his/her back, arm or knee as you listen to his/her concerns, or simply making eye contact and offering a smile of encouragement can go a long way towards helping your child continue to feel safe, secure and loved even as he/she is expressing feelings and emotions that may seem "unsafe" or brand new. The more secure, comfortable and loved your teen feels, the more he/she will feel able to communicate his/her concerns to you – and the more love, guidance and positive support you will be able to provide.