In a Feb. 1 post on the Psychology Today blog, Ugo Uche -- a counselor with expertise in adolescent issues -- described two "golden rules" that can help parents provide a healthier and more supportive environment for their adopted teens:

While most teenagers go through a period of crisis, highlighted by identity formation; for adopted teenagers, the process presents with significantly higher complications. &

There are two golden rules to parenting a child, biological or adopted, and I have noticed that parents who are more consistent with adhering to these rules, on average have children with a healthier sense of identities.

These two rules are unconditional acceptance of self and unconditional acceptance of your child.

Labels: teens, parenting advice, acceptance

Posted By: Aspen/CRC 0 Comments

When children do something wrong, it’s easy to criticize or correct them. But it may not have the effect you’re hoping for. Kids want attention, and if they know they can get it by doing things wrongs, they will. The same is true of positive attention.

“Encouragement is a skill parents use to motivate a child to keep trying, even when the going gets rough. Encouragement is noticing how hard a child is working at something, even though the results are not perfect. Be honest when giving encouragement. Praise the effort, not just the result.” [Source: Akron Examiner]

Focusing only on mistakes or bad behaviors can be discouraging to kids. They need to know that we notice the good stuff, too.

 

Labels: parenting advice

Posted By: Stefanie Hamilton 1 Comment

For parents, talking to a child about adoption may be likened to talking with a child about sex: It’s awkward for both parent and child, and both want it over as soon as possible. But children who have been adopted need to feel free to ask questions and express concerns.

“Children often believe that they are being disloyal to the adoptive family when they have feelings and questions about the birth family. As a result, they may avoid conversation about the adoption and the birth family even when they have burdensome questions or troubling feelings. Adoptive parents must look for opportunities to raise the issue [of] adoption, and ask the child for questions.” [Source: Associated Content]

Invite your child to ask questions about his birth family. Find ways to bring it up during casual conversation. If, for example, your adopted child is a gifted musician and music doesn’t run in your family, ask whether he thinks he might have gotten that trait from his birth family. On special occasions, like Mother’s and Father’s Day, ask your child if she’d like to do something special for – or to honor- her birth parents.


 

Labels: communication, parenting advice

Posted By: Stefanie Hamilton 2 Comments