Resources for Families with Adopted Children
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Searching for Birth Parents Abroad

Sometimes it may not be a great idea to search internationally for your adopted child's parents.

In a long article in the October 28 issue of the New York Times, Maggie Jones tells how she and thousands of other parents hire professionals or search themselves in places such as Guatemala, South Korea, China, Indian, Samoa, Russia and Africa. The results were sometimes happy, sometimes tragic. Many people unearthed unpleasant truths about their child's origins, such as conditions of extreme poverty and disease, prostitution, and -most devastating of all- that their child had been stolen.

Almost every country now has some kind of professional searching service - some countries have dozens of them. A search can cost between $200 to upwards of $2,000, though there is no guarantee it will turn up the child's biological parents. With some countries, such as China, adoptive parents are forming voluntary DNA databases to enable results that are more accurate.

Meetings with biological parents often are not the happy events that adoptive children and their parents anticipate. Many birth families are so desperately poor that they ask for money. In one case, an Ethiopian mother with AIDS begged the adoptive parents to adopt her other daughter as well (they did). Some adoptive parents decide to offer financial support to these families abroad, such as by sending monthly checks or agreeing to pay for a sibling's education. In many cases, their money is stolen or misused, and they end up feeling swindled.

Jones decided to search for her child's Guatemalan relatives when her child was only a toddler. Her reasoning was complex. First, she believes that all adopted children have the right to information about their birth relatives. She thought that if she was able to locate her daughter's parents, they might enjoy a relationship with her as she was growing up. She also knew that Guatemalans often have a short life span: if she did not act, she may miss the opportunity forever. Also, the longer she waited, the more likely it was that the "trail" would grow cold and it would be impossible to find them. Despite her best efforts, she was unable to locate her daughter's birth parents.

Today she and others advise people to "think hard about what you may or may not find." In one case involving two girls adopted from India, their birth parents had placed them in what they were told was a temporary orphanage. Therefore, this was a completely illegal adoption. In many cases, the birth mother has hidden the adoption from her family. When the adoptive parents show up, she may face divorce, abandonment or even beatings.

One mother who searched for her child's roots in a far-off country advises others to approach the endeavor with your eyes open. As she said, "It's not another sightseeing stop. It is not a walk for curiosity seekers. This is a life we're talking about - your child's life."