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Does Adoption Spell Troubles for Teens?

By Meghan Vivo

All kids struggle in adolescence, but do adopted teens struggle more? Although most adopted teens lead healthy, stable lives, studies have shown that they are at "slightly increased risk" for behavioral problems such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or oppositional defiant disorder.

 

According to Mark Stein, PhD, Director of the ADHD Clinical Research Program at the University of Illinois, Chicago, 40 percent of all kids diagnosed with ADHD are adopted. And while only 2 to 4 percent of all American children are adopted, roughly 25 to 35 percent of the students in private special needs programs are adopted.

 

This "adoption effect," a phrase coined by Margaret Keyes, a University of Minnesota research psychologist who led a study of 692 adopted adolescents, is likely caused by genetic and biological factors that were in place long before the child's adoptive parents entered the picture.

 

The findings of Keyes' research, published in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine, included the following:

 

  • Adopted teens scored significantly higher on "externalizing behaviors" or "acting out" than non-adoptees.

 

  • 25% of domestically adopted boys had been diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), compared to 12% of non-adoptees.

 

  • 29% of domestically adopted boys had been diagnosed with ADHD, compared to 8% of non-adopted teens.

 

  • 15% of domestically adopted boys had conduct disorder, compared to 6% of non-adoptees.

 

  • The ratio was the same for adopted teen girls, but the prevalence was about one-third lower than for boys.

 

  • The number of internalizing disorders such as depression and separation anxiety was roughly the same for all adopted and non-adopted teens.

 

Why the Struggle in Adolescence?

 

The most common issues that arise in adolescence, including identity formation, issues of control and autonomy, and the feeling of not belonging, cause troubles for most teens. Adopted teens have the added challenge of dealing with sometimes intense fears of rejection or abandonment and greater curiosity about their history and origin. Many of these issues take on profound significance for adopted teens, requiring extra attention and support.

 

Forming an Individual Identity. Adopted teens have two sets of parents to compare themselves to when trying to establish their own individual identity. Rather than simply choosing to follow their adoptive parents' rules, expectations, and principles, they may have multiple role models to consider. They may wonder which talents and physical characteristics came from their biological parents, and which habits, behaviors, and preferences came from their adoptive parents. During the teen years, adopted kids may become increasingly critical of their adoptive parents, sometimes isolating themselves or pulling away to find their "true" identity.

 

"A lot of adopted kids don't think much about their adoption until the teenage years," says Ken Murphy, a therapist at Aspen Achievement Academy, one of the oldest, most reputable wilderness therapy programs in the country. "Then the identity questions come up, and they start wondering, ‘Why am I the way I am?'"

 

Fear of Rejection or Abandonment. Adopted teens frequently ask, "If my own parents didn't want me, how could anyone else?" By adolescence, they have already experienced so much rejection and abandonment from their biological parents, they begin to fear forming close relationships with others, moving away from home, and other situations that may result in additional feelings of abandonment.

 

Aaron Shaw, a therapist at Aspen Achievement Academy, specializes in working with young adoptees and teens with a wide range of emotional and behavioral issues. He explains that adopted teens at this stage of life are filtering through the rejection cycle.

 

"They felt rejected on a core level early on in life so they're subconsciously going through life looking to be rejected," says Shaw. "When their parent says, ‘Take out the trash,' they hear ‘I don't love you.' The adoptive parents are frustrated because their child is defiant and feels unloved despite their best efforts. The child feels rejected and unworthy of love. The more rejected he feels, the more he engages in the behaviors that get him rejected."

 

A Need for Personal Control. Adopted teens often feel that few of life's biggest decisions have been within their control. The adults in their lives have determined who their parents will be, where and how they will live, how much they can or will know about their past, and so on. In order to regain some sense of control, some adopted teens act out, using drugs or alcohol or engaging in risky sexual behaviors to "take claim" over their own lives.

 

Feeling Like "I Don't Belong." Adopted teens face frequent reminders of the fact that they are different - they may look different from their family members, they are likely experiencing struggles that their non-adopted friends don't have to deal with, and they sometimes feel like outsiders in their own home.

 

A Longing to Connect with the Past. It's common for adopted teens to start to fantasize about their biological parents, thinking "they wouldn't care if I smoke pot," or "they wouldn't set such unfair rules," notes Shaw. The sense of loss for the parents they "should've" or "could've" had may set in as they envision an entirely different life for themselves. They may even feel guilty for grieving the loss of a family they never knew when they have a loving adoptive family at home. In some cases, these questions about the past lead the adopted teen to seek out information about their biological parents, while others withdraw into the feeling of emptiness or act out in order to cope.

 

What Can Adoptive Parents Do?

 

Raising adopted teens is a bit different than raising biological teens. For all teens, adolescence is a time of questioning who you are and where you come from, but for adopted teens, these issues can be more pronounced.

 

Experts advise adoptive parents to accept that being adopted is an important part of a teen's history and should not be ignored or kept secret. The more open a family is to discussing the past and any issues arising from it, the better equipped the adopted teen will be to work through those issues free of shame or embarrassment. Teens cope better when their parents understand their curiosity about their history and allow them to express their grief, anger, and fear.

 

There are some topics and concerns that parents just don't understand, and also some that teens just don't understand. In those instances, talking to an outside party can be healing. A number of agencies provide post-adoption services that include books or workshops for adoptive families. Parents can also take advantage of adoptive parent support groups and encourage their child to attend support groups for adopted teens. In many cases, these additional avenues of support can be all that adopted teens need to successfully resolve their concerns.

 

In more complex cases, in which adopted teens begin using drugs or alcohol, underachieving in school, withdrawing from family and friends, taking risks, becoming persistently hostile or defiant, or otherwise acting out, professional help may be warranted. Wilderness programs and therapeutic boarding schools have proven particularly beneficial to adopted teens struggling with separation, low self-esteem, and defiance. Aspen Achievement Academy is a wilderness therapy program that has been helping adopted teens as well as other struggling youth for over 20 years to develop a meaningful sense of identity and reconnect with their families.

 

Although adopted teens may need extra support and guidance through the adolescent years, and some may benefit from therapeutic programs or visits with a psychologist, research and experience show that they will pull through the tough teen years and go on to live productive, enriching lives. Have faith in your child and the love you have put into raising him, and soon you'll be admiring the fine adult he has become.

 

 


 

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